It was time. She had fought against it for too long. Ten year round in hospitals. Instead of being with her children, she spends every fucking minute in a damn hospital? For what? For nothing in the end. She is going to die anyway. Sooner or later these things will happen.
It all started on that night. Now, the memories keep coming, flashes after the flashes. She lost a bet and had to smoke 3 cigarettes in a row. It will be just for fun, she said.
Start with a light one, Helen, her boyfriend at that time told here. It won’t hurt you and anyway you lost the bet.
These happen with your date with college kids. Brad was only 21, a decent quarterback on the local football team in Wisconsin. After I pailful divorce, I just wanted some fun and young flesh if you know what I meant. It was only for a short period.
Kala and Tim were of their father in New York for their summer break. I was home, trying to put my thoughts in order and to see where I would be heading next.
That stupid boy; telling be I couldn’t go to the men’s bathroom and take a pee. But he proved to be right. I wasn’t and then the bet was lost. I only smoked some pot during my high school. But from the moment I fired the first smoke, I knew I would never stop!
After 5 years I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Terminal phase case I did not have any medical insurance and could not afford it to have one. Lost quite everything during the divorce. Everything except my kids. If it weren’t for them, I would have probably committed Suicide.
Only they kept me alive. They and the drugs taking daily for the pain. But after 5 years I couldn’t stand it anymore. Too weak to go alone in taking a damn pee, too weak to feed myself. Too weak. Like on that night. Weak for the entered life. Weak to look into my kids, yes to say to them good bye. Weak to smoke a last cigarette.
Weak till the last breath.